Every man's guide to marriage   November 3, 2002

Jed does offer suggested changes in divorce law that would greatly help young men. The future is really grim if something isn?t done, and done soon. It's a must read for every man thinking about marriage. It's a must read for every women wondering why men "won't commit." It's a must read for every elected state representative and Congressman. As Jed says, "We're all in this together."


Read this and learn   November 16, 2001
  12 out of 12 found this review helpful

Whilst Abraham has a fairly adversarial tone and presentation it is not unsurprising for a lawyer involved in the "war-zone" that divorce tends to become. Make no mistake, Abraham pulls no punches and wrings a certain amount of emotion from his writing. You may not find this emotionally pleasant reading, especially if you are married and start thinking "What if".

However, even if you are married and think life is pefect, buy a copy and have it mailed to work. If you are single, buy it. Whoever you are, buy another copy for a single male friend too. You too can save a life before it's too late.


Don't buy it   November 10, 2001
  4 out of 37 found this review helpful

This book does not do what the title says. I was thinking the book would be an analysis of the state of the law regarding divorce. Rather, it was poorly documented and had a hostile tone. Instead of making recommendations on how we can better change the divorce laws, it presented a victim mentality.


A very scarey book   October 17, 2001
  20 out of 20 found this review helpful

I think it would be arguable in a court of law that if an American man reads this book and gets married and has kids anyway, he has demonstrated his mental incompetence. A married man has a 50% chance of getting divorced (usually initiated by his wife) and when that happens, this book makes it plain how he will be stripped of his children, his dignity, and most of his assets and income. A divorced man can even be forced to pay for his noncustodial children's college educations when they are over 18 years of age, when married men have no such legal obligation to their adult children.

If you're male, and living in the USA, and thinking about getting married some day, you absolutely must read this book. It will cost you only about 3 1/2 minutes worth of a divorce lawyer's hourly fee.


Injustice System Encourages Divorce, Discourages Marraige   October 4, 2001
  24 out of 25 found this review helpful

The first part of the book explains technical aspects of the law clearly and briefly, but it's a little boring, though important. Abraham also goes over the history of divorce and family law from 1700's to the present throughout the book, which is interesting.

The book gets better in the second part in which Abraham describes a typical scenario of what will happen when his wife files for divorce, which may not even be the worst case scenario. I almost teared up a couple times reading this narrative in which he uses the pronoun "You" to describe your various misfortunes, indignities, and injustices as you experience your divorce. Abraham urges men not to marry--it's just too risky. Men have almost no financial or legal protection in a divorce or in their post-divorce lives. This book makes you glad you never married, if you haven't.

Abraham blames the law for the increase in divorce more than women themselves, although no mortal woman can not resist the temptation of divorcing once she finds out that she can have the house, the kids, alimony, and child support from the male, all in for the best interest of the child, of course. But the child support money she receives from you is not monitored by the courts to see if it actually goes to the child.

The law does not think it is in the best interest of the child to have a meaningful relationship with his divorced dad because it is very difficult to get even joint custody; the mother usually wins sole custody and the husband gets visitation "rights", which can be easily subverted by the wife if she does not want him to see his kids. In a typical divorce case scenario, it is quite possible that the husband may be falsely accused of sexual child abuse by the mother to strengthen her case for sole custody of the kids.

A father actually has few rights in a divorce or after it, but still has responsibilities to provide for the child, as the law sees fit, which often financially burdens the father unfairly because the law goes by one-size-fits-all guidelines. A father may even pay an estranged child's college education if the law demands it. The wife may sue at any time after the divorce for more money, especially if the father gets a raise. The law also meddles in the business of the divorced father telling him that he can't start his own business because such a risk would not be in the best interest of the child. If the father becomes unemployed, he still owes the full amount of child support.

Fathers become so-called deadbeat dads because they can't have a real relationship with their children and they become detached from the sense of well-being they had when they were with the kids before the divorce. The financial burdens are often unfair to the divorced dad and so the father tries to get out from under them. The media, like court system, does not sympathize with the father and calls him a deadbeat dad.

The courts and the media practice a form of modern chivalry in which the woman under the guise of protection gets many unwarranted privileges and sympathetic biases. She may even end up with part of her ex's retirement pension.

Are there any solutions to all this? --Solutions are a long hard road. Yeah, you can get a pre-nuptial agreement, but the courts often don't honor it. They think their system is better. It is good to negotiate a pre-nup with a woman though to find out whether she is a fair-minded woman or she is one who is really going to stick it to you with the full force of the law come divorce time.

Political solutions are also slow and arduous. There about six points in the law that need to be changed through the legislature by presenting different bills. You will also have to battle the feminists on the opposing side, who crank out a lot of legislation for privileges under the guise of equality. Basically, we will have to work to get government out of our family life and stop it from playing big daddy. Government may keep growing until it controls the lives of married and single men the way it does divorced men. And that's not good.

I was surprised that Abraham didn't argue for the end of no-fault divorces because in the age of no fault, divorces sky-rocketed. Couples were no longer made to stick with their marital decisions and work their problems out. The kids were then left fatherless, and developed the many pathologies of fatherless children. He instead wants males to have fair and equal standing under divorce law. He does not necessarily want to decrease divorce. He thinks that if joint custody is awarded, the kids will be able to handle the divorce better. That is my impression anyway. I think it might be better to keep people married and the families intact for the interests of the children and society. Marraige should be a decision you have to stick with, except in extreme cases.

Oh, and of course, I almost forgot because it's so typical-- the lawyers and psychologists make tons of money off the growth industry of divorce. Just one parting cynical remark.